


its the step the fuck off bitch quadrant and its symbol is a big red middle finger

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Dave and Karkat discuss blood color.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 30
Kudos: 300





	its the step the fuck off bitch quadrant and its symbol is a big red middle finger

DAVE: karkat i swear im tryna follow this movie like i am actually making a concerted effort here  
DAVE: i have made a solemn vow to myself that by the end im gonna know at least one trolls name and one dumb thing they did  
DAVE: but this weird blood caste shit isnt helpin  
KARKAT: HOW SO?  
DAVE: okay so this lady just smacked this other lady upside the head and i kinda took that as a sign they were gonna be gettin it on soon  
DAVE: like that is what my new troll-y instincts have taught me to expect  
DAVE: but she sure has been smackin her a lot without gettin smacked back, and not a sloppy makeout sesh in sight  
DAVE: so what the hell  
DAVE: is this a blood color thing?  
DAVE: im startin to feel like it is  
KARKAT: WOW, STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES, STRIDER ACTUALLY GOT SOMETHING RIGHT! WE’RE GONNA WANT THIS ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE MORNING EDITION, FOLKS! JUST REPLACE THE STORY ABOUT HELL FREEZING OVER, SOMETHING EVEN LESS LIKELY HAS FUCKING HAPPENED AND THE PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!  
DAVE: so IS a blood color thing  
KARKAT: IT *IS* A BLOOD COLOR THING!  
KARKAT: MANZAA, OR “THIS OTHER LADY,” AS YOU SO ASTUTELY CALLED HER, IS A BROWN BLOOD, ONE OF THE LOWEST CASTES. THAT’S WHY INDIGO BLOODED ULFLIN, OR “THIS LADY,” IS TREATING HER SO SHITTILY WITHOUT REPERCUSSIONS.  
KARKAT: ...THEY ARE TOTALLY GONNA GET IT ON, THOUGH.  
DAVE: nice  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: wait how have i not asked this yet  
DAVE: what color are you?  
KARKAT: !!!  
DAVE: what is that private or somethin  
DAVE: youve been tellin me all about these jokers on screen what gives  
DAVE: cmon you know i dont give a shit about blood color yours could be rainbow glitter for all i care  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: ohh wait i am such an idiot haha its on your fucking shirt  
DAVE: its gray right?  
DAVE: jeez dude if youre gonna be cagey spice up your wardrobe at least youre kinda showin your hand here  
KARKAT: ......  
DAVE: wait what the fuck are you okay?  
DAVE: karkat buddy whats goin on did i say something stupid or are you choking to death i really cant tell  
KARKAT: ...MY BLOOD ISN’T GRAY.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: okay then  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: what... color is it  
KARKAT: FUUUUCK! OH MY GOD, THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING HAHAHA JUST FUCK ME TO DEATH WITH A RUSTY SPOON!  
DAVE: what??  
DAVE: dude karkat im sorry if i stepped in some shit i really didnt mean to you gotta believe me  
DAVE: like i know i give you a hard time but i wouldnt actually ride you for somethin serious you know that right  
DAVE: cmon whats wrong can you just tell me im gettin worried here  
KARKAT: NO DAVE, YOU DIDN’T STEP IN ANY SHIT!  
KARKAT: I KNOW THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE REALLY WORRIED ABOUT, SO YOU CAN REST A-FUCKING-SURED THAT YOUR COMPLETE AND UTTER IGNORANCE OF MY MYSTICAL ALIEN WAYS GIVES YOU TOTAL IMMUNITY TO ANY SOCIAL FAUX PAS!  
KARKAT: I ABSOLVE YOU, DAVE, SO CHILL THE FUCK OUT!  
DAVE: what the fuck im not worried about myself god damn  
DAVE: im sitting here chillin with my best bro throwin back some popcorn, and all of a sudden he looks like hes gonna fuckin puke or cry or puke cry  
DAVE: im worried about YOU fuck you for thinking im not  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: what the hell is wrong  
KARKAT: I REALLY DON’T THINK YOU’D UNDERSTAND. IT’S A TROLL THING.  
DAVE: no dude fuck that too  
DAVE: thats why were watchin this movie  
DAVE: youre supposed to be teachin me about troll things  
DAVE: so go ahead and teach me  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: OKAY. FUCK IT.  
KARKAT: THE QUESTION YOU ASKED ME. ABOUT MY BLOOD COLOR.  
DAVE: yeah?  
KARKAT: THAT’S A... THAT’S A REALLY... DELICATE SUBJECT.  
KARKAT: FOR ME.  
DAVE: okay  
KARKAT: MY FRIENDS WERE ALWAYS ASKING ME THAT QUESTION, BACK ON ALTERNIA, AND I WOULDN’T TELL THEM. IT WAS ALMOST A JOKE. KARKAT WON’T TELL ANYBODY HIS CASTE! IS KARKAT SECRETLY A FISH? IS KARKAT SECRETLY A JUGGALO? IS KARKAT SECRETLY A GIGANTIC DOUCHE WHO DOESN’T TRUST HIS FRIENDS ENOUGH TO TELL THEM BASIC FUNDAMENTAL FACTS ABOUT HIMSELF?  
KARKAT: THAT LAST ONE’S USUALLY WHERE WE LANDED.  
KARKAT: BUT I STILL NEVER TOLD ANYONE.  
KARKAT: NOBODY COULD KNOW.  
KARKAT: OKAY ACTUALLY... TEREZI KNEW.  
KARKAT: SHE FIGURED IT OUT WITH HER WEIRD SUPER NOSE, OR SOMETHING. AND WHEN SHE CONFRONTED ME ABOUT IT, I WAS TOO FREAKED OUT TO EVEN DENY IT.  
KARKAT: SHE AND I... WE HAD KIND OF A THING A WHILE BACK. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THAT.  
DAVE: yeah i kinda picked up on it  
KARKAT: YEAH. SO... IF ANYBODY HAD TO FIND OUT, I GUESS I’M REALLY FUCKING GLAD IT WAS HER, BECAUSE WE WERE SORTA MAYBE MOVING INTO A QUADRANT AT THE TIME.  
KARKAT: IF I WAS GONNA TRUST ANYBODY, IT WOULD’VE BEEN HER.  
KARKAT: BUT EVEN SO, I *NEVER* WOULD’VE JUST TOLD HER IF SHE HADN’T FIGURED IT OUT.  
KARKAT: IT WAS WAY TOO DANGEROUS.  
KARKAT: DAVE...  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GET HOW DANGEROUS A PLACE ALTERNIA REALLY WAS.  
DAVE: well in this movie a guy got disemboweled cuz he didnt have exact change for the bus so...  
KARKAT: NO, THAT’S JUST CLASSIC ALTERNIAN SLAPSTICK.  
DAVE: haha holy fuck okay  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? NO MATTER WHO YOU WERE, DEATH COULD BE AROUND ANY FUCKING CORNER. AND IF YOU WERE SOMEONE LIKE ME-  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I COULDN’T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT MYSELF, BECAUSE IT’D GET ME CULLED. NO QUESTIONS. JUST BOOM. DEAD.  
KARKAT: SO THAT’S BAD, OBVIOUSLY.  
DAVE: that does sound obviously bad yes  
KARKAT: BUT ON TOP OF THAT IF I TOLD ANYBODY, I’D BE MAKING THEM COMPLICIT.  
KARKAT: SO THEN THEY’D HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE. DO THEY REPORT ME AND GET ME CULLED, OR DO THEY KEEP MY SECRET? IF THEY STAYED QUIET, AND IT CAME OUT LATER THAT THEY KNEW, THEY’D GET CULLED TOO.  
KARKAT: SO THE THING IS IF I TOLD ANYBODY, IT WOULDN’T JUST BE A STUPID RISK FOR ME. IT’D ALSO BE A HUGE BURDEN FOR THEM.  
KARKAT: I’D BE IMPLYING THAT I TRUSTED THEM, AND MORE OR LESS DARING THEM TO PROVE THEY VALUED THEMSELVES MORE THAN ME.  
KARKAT: THAT’S... THAT’S TOO MUCH TO PUT ON ANYBODY, AND NOT NECESSARILY A QUESTION I WANT AN ANSWER TO, YOU KNOW?  
DAVE: yeah i think i do  
DAVE: look karkat you dont have to tell me anything you dont want to  
DAVE: i mean i think i can kinda figure out from context that whatever you got going on is... not usual  
DAVE: but seriously i dont need to know specifics if its gonna weird you out  
DAVE: but anyway i guess... its okay now right?  
DAVE: like whatever kinda danger you were in is long gone  
DAVE: fuckin exploded off the face of alternia  
DAVE: youre uh... safe?  
KARKAT: YEAH. I GUESS I FUCKING AM. WHO’S LEFT TO GIVE A SHIT NOW? SO I SHOULD JUST BE ABLE TO TELL YOU, RIGHT? LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL, I CAN JUST CASUALLY DROP THIS INTO CONVERSATION IN BETWEEN TURN UP THE VOLUME AND PASS THE FUCKING POPCORN!  
DAVE: hey man i JUST said you dont gotta tell me  
DAVE: its cool seriously  
DAVE: im just tryna... i donno make you feel better  
DAVE: still seem to be fuckin it up somehow though  
KARKAT: UGG YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU’RE NOT THE ONE FUCKING IT UP! I AM! *I’M* THE ONE STILL HUNG UP ON THIS EVEN THOUGH THERE’S NO ACTUAL REASON TO BE ANYMORE!  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST... IT’S SO MUCH OF WHO I AM. IT’S SUCH A PART OF ME. THE FEAR AND THE ANXIETY AND THE DREAD.  
KARKAT: AND HONESTLY PERVERSELY A TINY BIT OF PRIDE, LIKE SINCE I WAS DIFFERENT I WAS SOMEHOW BETTER THAN ALL THOSE OTHER ASSHOLES.  
KARKAT: WHAT A FUCKING JOKE THAT IS, BUT I THINK I NEEDED TO CONVINCE MYSELF OF IT JUST TO GET BY AND WAKE UP EVERY NIGHT.  
KARKAT: AND IT’S... JUST ALWAYS BEEN A SECRET. IT WAS SOMETHING I *COULDN’T* TELL ANYBODY. I ALWAYS KIND OF DREAMED OF...  
KARKAT: OH GOD THIS IS SO STUPID...  
KARKAT: BUT I WANTED THERE TO BE SOMEBODY I TRUSTED ENOUGH *TO* TELL.  
KARKAT: LIKE WHEN TEREZI FOUND OUT, I WAS SCARED SHITLESS. I WAS SO SURE IT WAS ALL OVER. BUT SHE DIDN’T SEEM TO MIND, AND SHE DIDN’T REPORT ME, SO I STARTED TO THINK...  
KARKAT: I GUESS I STARTED TO THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL THERE.  
KARKAT: BUT THEN THAT WENT FUCKIN NOWHERE FAST. I MEAN SHE NEVER TURNED ME IN, BUT I THINK WHATEVER CONNECTION I THOUGHT WE HAD, EITHER SHE GOT OVER IT OR IT WAS NEVER EVEN THERE TO BEGIN WITH. I DON’T KNOW.  
KARKAT: BUT LIKE...  
KARKAT: YOU JUST ASKING ME OH SO CASUALLY TO TELL YOU...  
KARKAT: THERE’S A LOT OF SHIT BEHIND THAT QUESTION THAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.  
DAVE: oh shit im sorry  
DAVE: no of course you dont have to tell me karkat i get it  
DAVE: like i dont get all the ins an outs of troll hierarchy or whatever but i totally get that its special and scary and you dont wanna tell me  
DAVE: its fine seriously  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YEAH...  
KARKAT: BUT HEY LIKE YOU SAID.  
KARKAT: MY ENTIRE PLANET’S GONE, ALONG WITH ANYONE WHO COULD’VE POSSIBLY GIVEN A SHIT ABOUT ME OR MY PROBLEMS!  
KARKAT: THE HANDFUL OF TROLLS LEFT ALIVE EITHER ALREADY KNOW OR ARE SO FAR UP THEIR OWN NOOKS THEY’LL PROBABLY NEVER EVEN NOTICE.  
KARKAT: EVERYBODY ELSE IS A HUMAN, AND YOU ALL SEEM FUNDAMENTALLY INCAPABLE OF GIVING A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM.  
KARKAT: AND OF COURSE THERE’S THE MAYOR.   
KARKAT: OH MY GOD THE MAYOR WOULD SOONER DIE THAN GIVE ME SHIT ABOUT THIS! THE MAYOR IS AN ABSOLUTE TREASURE!  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: OKAY HERE GOES.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: MY BLOOD IS RED.  
KARKAT: AND I KNOW THAT DOESN’T MEAN JACK SHIT TO YOU, IN FACT YOU PROBABLY ACTUALLY THINK IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE BY SOME SICK ACT OF DIVINE FUCKERY YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES ALSO HAS RED BLOOD SO IT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO EMPATHIZE WITH HOW FUCKED UP IT IS FOR ME.  
KARKAT: BUT ANYWAY UM.  
KARKAT: I’M A MUTANT. NOBODY HAS BLOOD LIKE MINE. I’M OFF THE GRID, IN A SOCIETY BASED 100 PERCENT ON STRICT BRUTAL GRID ADHERENCE.  
KARKAT: SINCE THE DAY I FUCKING ACCIDENTALLY CLONED MYSELF INTO EXISTENCE, I WAS ON BORROWED TIME, WHICH NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT MEANS I LITERALLY HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME FOR THIS BUT MYSELF HAHA OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS NEW?  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I WAS NEVER GONNA GROW UP, DAVE. I LIKED TO PRETEND I HAD A FUTURE, THAT I WAS SOMEHOW GOING TO PROVE MYSELF AND BECOME SUCH AN AMAZING THRESHECUTIONER THAT NO ONE WOULD DARE QUESTION ME, BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT WAS NEVER ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN.  
KARKAT: IT WAS A LITERAL IMPOSSIBILITY.  
KARKAT: THE ABSOLUTE BEST I WAS EVER GONNA GET WAS THREE MORE SWEEPS UNTIL THEY CONSCRIPTED ME FOR OFF-PLANET SERVICE, TOOK A BLOOD SAMPLE, AND FUCKIN TOSSED ME DOWN THE GARBAGE CHUTE TO THE INCINERATOR AND LET THE BARKBEASTS PISS ON MY ASHES.  
KARKAT: AND KEEP IN MIND THAT WAS MY BEST FUCKING CASE SCENARIO. THAT WAS GOING TO BE A LONG AND PROSPEROUS LIFE.  
KARKAT: CHANCES WERE *MUCH* HIGHER I WAS GONNA GET FOUND OUT LONG BEFORE THEN AND JUST MOWED DOWN IN THE STREET. OR MY HIVE.  
KARKAT: DRONE CULLING WAS GOVERNMENT MANDATED, BUT CIVILIAN CULLING WAS ALSO EASY AND VERY MUCH ENCOURAGED. A LOT OF KIDS MADE A GAME OUT OF IT, AND IF THEY EVER FOUND ME OUT, I WOULDA BEEN ONE HELL OF A FUN GAME.  
KARKAT: IT PROBABLY WOULD’VE BEEN A REAL HONOR TO BE THE ONE TO CULL ME, ACTUALLY.  
KARKAT: LIKE CATCHING A SUPER RARE AND MYTHICAL FIDUSPAWN.  
KARKAT: HEH.  
KARKAT: ....  
KARKAT: SNIFFLE.  
DAVE: ...karkat  
DAVE: jesus fuckin christ cmere dude  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??  
DAVE: im tryna hug you bro holy hell did they not have fuckin hugs on your planet either  
KARKAT: NO THEY DID I JUST... DIDN’T REALLY GET MANY.  
DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: oh my GOD that is objectively the saddest fucking sentence i have ever heard in my entire life  
DAVE: really you just got done sayin the other top ten, but that one takes the fuckin cake  
DAVE: i mean if were bein all honest here tonight i didnt really get many hugs either  
DAVE: but were not dealin with my shit right now so fuck that  
DAVE: this is your time were talkin about you  
DAVE: all karkat all night  
DAVE: an evening with mr vantas  
DAVE: one night only  
DAVE: i mean not really one night only if you wanna break out the heavy shit other nights too thats okay im down with that  
DAVE: like we dont always just have to bust each others balls you know that right?  
KARKAT: UM.  
DAVE: well now you do  
DAVE: jesus christ i guess what im tryna say is i had no fucking clue  
DAVE: and i am so so sorry that that was your life  
DAVE: like i knew shit was rough on alternia but i guess i always kinda thought it was like the bad parta houston  
DAVE: which dont get me wrong had problems of its own but nothin like-  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: im sorry is it awkward if i keep huggin you for a while?  
DAVE: like i dont wanna make you uncomfortable if youre not into it  
KARKAT: NO, YOU CAN KEEP DOING IT. IT’S... IT’S NICE.  
DAVE: okay good you tell me if you want me to stop okay  
DAVE: im just so fuckin mad that thats how you had to live and feel about yourself  
KARKAT: ...ARE YOU HATE HUGGING ME?  
DAVE: yeah i fuckin am  
DAVE: but not like that blackrom stuff okay dont get the wrong idea im not mad at you im mad every other motherfucker BUT you  
DAVE: is there a quadrant for that  
KARKAT: NO, NOT EXACTLY.  
DAVE: well were fuckin makin one  
DAVE: its the step the fuck off bitch quadrant and its symbol is a big red middle finger  
KARKAT: HEH.  
DAVE: look man im sorry i was givin you shit about your blood and pushin you to tell me about it  
DAVE: i had no idea it was such a thing  
DAVE: but  
DAVE: even tho i still prolly dont know all the specifics  
DAVE: i can understand having to hide stuff about yourself  
DAVE: and even if youre not in like, immediate physical danger anymore, i can get how the fear is still there  
DAVE: and i think i get how big a deal it was for you to tell me this  
DAVE: and im  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: i guess im really fuckin honored that you did  
DAVE: so um  
DAVE: thank you  
KARKAT: ...YOU’RE WELCOME, DAVE.  



End file.
